On Slowing Down

Ahhh, the irony.  I wrote the post below a couple weeks ago, but haven’t had time to post b/c I’ve been so involved with the APL!  I made the decision consciously, though, to help out more for a few more weeks until the new director started, with the awareness and understanding that it would be temporary.   And that temporary period is now over.  It’s taken me a few days to decompress after the chaotic weekend, but now I’m recommitting myself to this new lifestyle…..

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On Slowing Down

We moved out to the country two and a half years ago.  My dreams included having lots of time to care for animals, and lots of time to be work on creative pursuits.  A simpler life, although I’m not sure I knew at the time what that meant.  I’d been stuck for so long in the go-go-go cycle, the only time I was able to “slow down” is when I’d get slammed with a depressive episode and had no other choice.  Moving to the country was supposed to fix that.

Well, it didn’t.  The last several years have been some of the most stressful of my life, and I’ve been hit with nasty depressions almost as often as when we lived in the city.  Dave and I routinely work in front of computers in separate areas of the house from the time we get up early until the time we crash in front of the the TV around midnight to scarf down some dinner and fall asleep on the couch.  Not exactly the lifestyle I had in mind.

Last week I guess I reached my breaking point.  To get some clarity I took a drive down to the Ohio River by myself.   For some reason I find that that river really brings me peace.  While I was there I looked at the houses for sale and dreamed of a different life, one where I would spend my days in a studio with river views, working on crafting and building a little business that would support our family in a small, sustainable way.   But something about the views that day changed me, the large low rolling clouds continually altering the quality of the light.  When I got home I realized, river or not, that where I live is just as beautiful.  Low hills, long views, and green green green.   And plenty of land to carve out a life right here, if I can tear myself out of the stress mentality.

And I think I can.   Since my river trip that day I’ve decided that I belong right here, with occasional river trips to help my focus.  The fact is, if I can’t routinely appreciate the beauty I have here, I’m not going to appreciate the river either.  I’m not ready for the river.  Besides, I have a studio with foil butterfly wallpaper!  How many crafters can say that?

So, I’ve recommitted to a slower style of life.  This will mean doing less with the APL for now.  I will continue to focus on finding rescue for the special needs animals, but the hours and days in front of the computer are going to stop.  If I felt they were working, I would continue to make that sacrifice.  But to spend all week in panic mode to get out 11 dogs over the weekend, only to have 11 new dogs come in in one day, that system is not working.   I am committed to *changing* that system, but I can’t do it while I am so embroiled in it.  I need some perspective.  And I also need to set us up a lifestyle here at home, which I should have done *before* I threw myself head first into rescue.

I am committed now to the lifestyle we wanted when we moved out here.   Tasks for the recent future involve creating a more frugal budget, having an *enormous* garage sale and giving lots of stuff away, doing lots of research on gardening so as to make the most of what is left of this growing season and get a jump on the next, learning a few more useful crafts (rag rugs are next!), trying to get involved in some sort of barter economy, and working with the bunnies to create more enriching lives for them.   Also, Etsy Etsy Etsy…putting time into my existing shop and getting my vintage shop open, promoting like crazy, and participating in teams.  Living out here I really desire a sense of community with fellow artists…but that’s a whole other post!